Life will go on...

We have been dealing with a ton of stuff lately. I've been so overwhelmed that I haven't made any time for myself.
We have been dealing with a lot of anger and aggression issues with our oldest lately and weren't sure how to handle the situation. I talked to his pediatrician and he laughed at me and told me that was normal child behavior. Well, as his mother, I knew there was something wrong and needed a second opinion on the matter.
I talked to a local nurse help line a few weeks back and they suggested a program for us to talk to. I filled out all the intake forms and dropped them off. I was told it would take at least 2 months to get an appointment. I thought, "Okay, I can deal with this for another 2 months, I've been dealing with it ever since I can remember" But I received a phone call about half an hour later telling me they had bumped someone else and wanted to see Gibson right away.
I have had to take Gibson to see a psychologist to talk about a lot of things. He tells us some really disturbing things that a child at his age should not even know about. One of the biggest things (amongst many) is that he can see ghosts and there are voices in his head telling him to hurt people. Can you imagine being a parent and trying to keep yourself pulled together when your child tells you something like that? It's not easy. I find it hard to eat anything, sleeping is terrible, I'm having horrible mood swings, I cry out of the blue and feel sick to my stomach all the time, and it's because I worry for my child's sake.
At his latest appointment, his psychologist informs me that she thinks he has ADHD and detects early schizophrenia. She wants Gibson to see a psychiatrist for a second opinion but fears the worst in the situation.
Then she proceeds to tell me that she thinks I'm depressed because of the look on my face, and all the other signs I'm showing. Well excuse me, how would you react if you just found out your baby may have a mental illness? What would you do if your 4 year old told you he wants to kill himself? Would you be happy if he tried hurting everyone around him? What's the normal reaction to all this? I'm sure you wouldn't jump around singing and dancing all the time. I'm sad for my son, terrified I can't help him. Mortified they want to admit him into a hospital if he gets worse. Scared I may lose my son to an illness.
This is by far the hardest thing we have ever had to go through. This has been the only thing on my mind for the last couple months, I don't know how to function properly anymore. I'm glad we have a good support system and the school is doing everything they can to help us with this, but he can't get better soon enough.

Signed,
A Sad, Scared Busy Bee